Double Down:
NEIL BREEN TIME, BABY!
Oh my GOD, I’m excited for this one. Hey, remember that time I talked about Fateful Findings? Remember how I declared that its star/producer/director/writer/editor/demigod, Neil Breen, was incompetent to a beautiful degree? Remember how I said he could get better with time? Well, it turns out that was his third movie! I feel like I owe someone an apology here, but I’m not quite sure who or for what. To make up for it, I’m here today to talk about Breen’s first outing to film-making, 2007’s Double Down. A whole six years before the world was graced by the beauty of Fateful Findings, Breen created the blueprint to what his magnum opus would be. With that, I present to you… Double Down.
I think I’ll be talking about my review of Fateful Findings more than a few times in this review. While I’d love to make this review self-contained, the parallels between that film and Double Down are numerous and hilarious. To start with, neither really have stories so much as things just… Happen. Neil Breen is a highly decorated ex-military/special ops member (awarded EVERY medal, according to the film) who also happens to be a hacker, biochemist, terrorist, counter-terrorist, and chosen to wield a (probably) magical rock. After his wife is assassinated for reasons (I don’t know the reasons. You just have to trust in the magic of Breen), he becomes a recluse and begins hacking government facilities from the inside of a magic force-field around his car. I know how nonsensical that sentence sounded, but believe me when I say that this is far from the most insane elements of the film. Anthrax, fish-murder, magical cancer cures, and so much more can be found in this film. It’s really an honor to get to witness the nonsense Breen has created, slapping together the strangest creation I’ve seen to date. But the best part, the best reason to watch this movie, is a single scene that cannot be comprehended: Neil Breen hacks a 1980’s sports car with a flip phone. Game over, go home, give all the awards to Neil Breen because the man has created art that will never be topped. It’s things like this that make Double Down so entertaining. You’ll sit there, dying of laughter as you try to piece together what’s happening as Neil Breen runs down a mountainside while producing a scream like that of a man who’s just been hit with a cattle prod. Neil Breen doesn’t write stories, but he crafts experiences.
The sound… The sound in this film is consistent. This film, for as ugly as it looks and as incoherent as the story (or lack thereof) is, has decent sound design. Granted, this may merely be due to lowered expectations after seeing how horrendous the rest of the film is. However, there’s not a ton of wind interference and the room sound is not overbearing. For a first attempt at a film, it’s a surprisingly decent endeavor. I know that I still can have issues with wind interference on outdoor shoots, so it’s slightly impressive to see him get it (mostly) right. Even his narration, to my shock, is pretty clean. If we’re talking about music, however… Oh, it’s cheesy. It’s exactly as cheesy as you’d expect. There’s a similar brand of dramatically tense music throughout to show that Neil Breen is, in fact, a dangerous man. There’s even a section where he seems to compare himself to God, using a choir to show off how benevolent and Christ-like he is as he reenacts The Creation of Adam with what seem to be ghosts. It’s… It’s beautifully arrogant, preposterously hilarious, and just so utterly stupid. I love every frame of this terrible film nearly as much as I love Fateful Findings. The best part? We’re not even done yet.
Ok, so the style of Double Down is drastically different than Fateful Findings. Well Fateful Findings didn’t have a style beyond “terrible,” so it must mean that there’s some level of consistent shots in Double Down, right? Well, kind of! You see, Double Down is abundant in one element and one element only: Stock footage! Stock footage, the lazy director’s best friend and best shot at making a 90-minute run time! It’s not even as though the footage is well-integrated. The camera Breen uses and the multiple cameras taking shots of laser eye surgery and satellite footage of earth are of staggeringly different qualities. At a guess, I’d say roughly five percent of this film is stock footage. That may not sound like much, but keep in mind that five percent of an hour-and-a-half film is nearly five minutes of runtime. For footage that you can just buy on the internet, that’s way too much. Beyond this, the film just looks… Dull. It’s colors are muted, there’s nothing as visually insane as some of the shots in Fateful Findings, and the shots go on way too long. It’s funny, don’t get me wrong. However, it amuses me to no end to say that Neil Breen has definitely improved over the last ten years.
Normally, I go into the details of a film and discuss the value of another viewing of a film. Neil Breen films, however, fall under a different style of criteria than a more artistic film. You need to keep in mind that this should be looked at more as a comedy than a drama, despite what Neil Breen, in all his infinite wisdom, would have you believe. That having been said, this is definitely a movie I’d watch again. Would I get anything more from it? No. But would my friends and I get a laugh from it? Oh, you’re damn right. This is a movie that’s meant to be questioned every step of the way. The way the events flow and the ridiculous writing is something infuriatingly wonderful. You’d be hard-pressed not to find at least one moment that didn’t make you laugh in disbelief before yelling “WHAT WAS THAT?!” If only to get a good laugh from the ridiculous writing, I’d most certainly give this a second viewing.
Double Down is a film to watch with friends on a cold night as you drink and laugh with one another. This is a movie where a man is the best at everything, does basically nothing, and yet is still more entertaining than any Michael Bay film. Ladies and gentlemen, Neil Breen is beyond just successful at making “so bad, it’s good films.” Neil Breen consistently stumbles into comedy gold with all the grace of a drunken toddler. I honestly love both Double Down and Fateful Findings, albeit not for the reason Neil Breen would hope. Regardless, both are a hell of a time and I cannot recommend them enough. So get your hands on a copy of each, sit back, and enjoy a comedic experience unlike any other. Happy viewing.