Fateful Findings:
... What?
This review was going to be something else completely originally. As I spent these last few reviews looking at films I’ve never seen, I was actually trying to choose between Citizen Kane and Schindler’s List to decide which one would both make a better review and speak more to me. But then I found Fateful Findings. It’s a lot like finding religion if that religion is “so bad it’s good” movies. Let me say that this next sentence is not hyperbole nor an overreaction: Fateful Findings is the best awful movie you could ever hope to see.
Before we get into this, let me talk about the difference between a bad movie and a good bad movie. A bad movie is lazy, doesn’t try, and is driven purely by a desire to put out a product. A bad movie is what happens when all necessary resources are available to a director and they respond by shrugging their shoulders. A “so bad it’s good” movie is almost always low-budget, trying so hard to be good but unaware that it’s not. A “so bad it’s good” movie has terrible actors that are either phoning it in or have no business in film in the first place. A “so bad it’s good” movie is a comedy that was meant to be a drama. The latter is worth watching because it tries so desperately for you to like it, ultimately having its own charm in how bad it is. It’s like that friend that we all have who should be too bizarre to enjoy being around, yet you can’t help but enjoy their company. That’s what Fateful Findings is.
So what is the story of Fateful Findings? Well, that’s hard to describe. The film revolves around a computer engineer played by producer/director/editor/writer/visionary Neil Breen. There’s not really a comprehensive plot in this film, nor can I even call it a series of vignettes in all conscience. Instead, I’d describe it as a stream of consciousness involving magic, hacking, love, violence, and what I’m pretty sure are supposed to be ghosts. I can’t really say for sure, as this film is roughly as unfocused as a puppy. But much like that same puppy, it’s adorable in how hard Breen tries. His plot attempts to be full of twists and turns but fails hilariously due to poor writing and even worse acting. Stilted dialogue combined with the passionate acting of a five year old forced into a school play is consistent. The line “I’d love to try your wine” is paced so unnaturally that it’s actually memorable. Even better, Neil Breen, his face coated in blood as he holds a dear friend’s corpse, delivers the line “I cannot believe you committed suicide,” in the tone of a father who is disappointed in his son for not studying for a test. There are so many things I wish I could tell you about the plot of this film, but I have to save something for the rest of this review. So I’ll just leave it at this: The “plot” is non-existent, but this stream of consciousness and bad acting is hilarious in a way that will stick with you long after seeing the film.
Sound design… Oh there is most decidedly sound design in this film. The only problem is that the sound design is awful. Neil Breen (I swear, his full name just feels more natural) makes clear in the credits that he is both the sound editor and the music director. This is hilarious considering there are four tracks in the entire film, two of which play three or more times throughout. These musical pieces are, sadly, not as beautifully incompetent as the rest of the film. Instead, they are mostly bland pieces of background music without much depth. The most identifiable music in it is still a Native American-esque drum beat that still manages to sound exactly like every other “spiritual” journey song. It’s really disappointing. The sound design, however, is amazingly complimentary to both the plot and the style (which I cannot wait to get to). It’s amateur, it’s awkward, and it’s magnificent. The quality of the audio is that of a student film from college, rooms echoing and all speech muffled. I will give Neil Breen credit where credit is due, however. The audio levels are consistent, tending to be audible throughout the entire movie amidst thick accents and dirt-poor performances. In that regard, Neil Breen demonstrates some serious talent. Even in professional blockbusters, the mixing is oftentimes inconsistent and jarring. So bravo, Neil Breen. You didn’t do too badly in that regard.
When I talk about the stylistic choices of Neil Breen’s films, it’s difficult not to break into film terms such as “rule of thirds” and “mise-en-scène” to show where this film fails. However, I’m aware that not everyone reading this has taken five years of film classes in preparation for reading about my thoughts on Fateful Findings. Instead, I’ll try to keep it simple: If someone’s head doesn’t fit in the shot, that’s bad. If someone is having a conversation but the other party is shown not talking, that’s bad. If you do both of those then have your character repeat lines of dialogue two to three times, that’s amazing in the worst way. Fateful Findings does all of this, demonstrating glaring incompetence to the point of hilarity. Simultaneously, it has some of the most charmingly terrible green screen effects I’ve seen in my life. The last 10 minutes use the same background in every shot, the characters super-imposed over what seems to be the Supreme Court building. It’s hard to describe the style because there really is none. There are elements that are consistent, but they tie more into plot and spoiler territory. Instead, let me just say that everything wrong with this film just adds to its terrible charm.
If you wonder what the style of Fateful Findings could possibly be, allow me to assure you that the style is similar to that of a high schooler taking his first TV production class. Heads get cut off due to poor camera angles, jump cuts make some scenes incomprehensible, and some of Neil Breen’s decisions regarding the use of certain objects makes me question if he’s even a human being rather than some alien lifeform. My favorite element, however, is his love of making people fade out of a shot. For those of you who may not be aware, this simple editing trick involves having a shot of a room with and without a character. The shot with the character then fades out over top of the shot without it, making it look as though the character is slowly disappearing from the room. Beyond this, everything looks like a home movie with better equipment. As much as I want to rip this to shreds, however, I don’t feel I rightfully can. As you may or may not know, I have a background in production complete with my first editing job being wrapping at age 13 and my first formal production class at age 15. I remember the frustration at myself as I realized how I was framing my shots wrong. I remember being enamored at making people fade from existence. Even now, I occasionally look back at my work from high school to see all the strange, bizarre choices I made and remember what it was like to start off in the production world. Neil Breen is clearly starting his journey in film, albeit late, and has as much potential as any new creator. His mistakes are that of an amateur on an indie director’s budget. His style is sloppy and nearly non-existent, but that’s not bad. It’s just important to remember that we all start somewhere.
Ladies and gentlemen, I feel confident when I recommend this movie. It’s amateur, it’s ugly, it’s got no direction, it sounds awful, and it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s as though Monty Python, David Lynch, and Tommy Wiseau were somehow fused and brought the world an amazing work of bizarre, so bad it’s good art. So sit down with friends and mock it. Make the references for a few days and laugh at the weird choices. But remember that Neil Breen isn’t some fool that can’t improve with time and work. We all have to start somewhere, and Fateful Findings is an awkward stepping stone to proper filmmaking. But as Neil Breen works towards that level of filmmaking, this is still the best comedy you will see until Mel Brookes finally makes a buddy comedy starring Dave Chappelle, Louie C.K., and a re-animated George Carlin. Happy Viewing.